Awake at 6am….geezus and it’s Saturday!
Saturday, September 20th, 2008 | General
I cannot believe I am awake at 6am on a Saturday. It’s like sacrilege, but I was lying awake for about an hour already and decided that due to the extensive amount of “things” swirling in my brain what better way to try to control and organize and put at peace all of the thoughts going through my head then to write it down, or at least write some things down.
A lot has to do with my career and (big surprise) I’m trying to make sense of where I am, where I am going and where I belong. Is this really the path for me? What am I missing? How do I relate to people I have tough time relating to.
I feel like the hamster amongst a gaggle of bunnies.
I seek connections and accomplishments daily. And, Somehow though the day gets by with relative ease and most of the disparity I sense and experience throughout the day is muted by my own reminder that this isn’t me and it isn’t permanent. Life goes on and it’s moving at a jet engine’s velocity. It’s probably safe to say others have a hard time relating to me too. It’s mutual and possibly something we could work together to fix.
Even in reflecting over the past week I sit and awe at how quickly it went by.
Saturday – Evening with fantastic friends. Fabulous dinner at Fire on the Mountain, and then watched Monty Python’s The Holy Grail – Thanks M & B for making that all possible. ☺
Sunday – Hancock at Bagdad- a pretty fun and entertaining flick
Monday – Bunco with a work colleague who I adore who lives all the way in Eagle Creek. Beautiful drive to her house, I just cannot believe she commutes that everyday and gets into the office before everyone else. She’s one of the pillars that the company balances on. There are two pillars and those girls amaze me, I respect them so much, being the admins it’s so tough, but they manage and they do it well.
Tuesday – Hair appt.
Wed – Violin, dinner at Blue Olive with Mis Miranda- dinner was amazing. We shared the red pepper hummus and then I had the lentil soup and tasty spanakopita, I had to split the portions of spanakopita in half because I had to bring the other half to R. to try. It was so delicious and I had to use that as grounds to inspire a return visit and this time with Ryan. The people were delightful, we sat out on the back patio which was charming.
Thursday – Made chicken spaghetti casserole - YUM
Friday – Experienced a delightful lunch with my office roomate full of shopping and lunch of scrumptious Indian food. Then when I got home I whipped up an amazing dinner, chicken breasts stuffed with spinach and feta with veggies as a side; YUM, accompanied by a velvety full bodied and warming Malbec. I couldn’t believe how good the chicken turned out. Maybe my calling is to cook more, God knows I love to cook. It’s definitely that “output” part of the task and the reward at the end. A full satisfied belly.
So back to my complicated state of mind. Last weekend we hung with GD and I loved his advice as I was expressing my current concerns with work, “don’t sweat the small stuff” and it’s true, really the small stuff gets you nowhere.
I think we put too much energy, or I put too much energy in meeting and exceeding people’s expectations and I think I’m too needy for affirmations, even constructive criticism.
I know I find extreme satisfaction in production. Maybe I should work in manufacturing. I like to produce “things”, hence the substantial amount of enjoyment I experience from cooking. I enjoy the challenge and reward at the end. I don’t do well without structure too, as most of you know the unstructured lifestyle of being unemployed wreaked havoc on my sense of self due to my less than stellar satisfaction in my limited amount of “output”.
So with all this rolling through my brain I think the biggest quest for me will be to find my equilibrium or place amongst the professional characters in my life. I can only hope there is some kind of lesson being taught to me here and I think I’ve already recognized and picked up on a few and one especially is to discontinue “sweating the small stuff” as GD would put it, focus on being patient, listening more and stretching the day as long as possible, focusing on the moment and not so OCD about “output”, just enjoy.
Because with the speed of light in which this life’s pace is, we don’t have time to waste on the “small stuff”.
2 Comments to Awake at 6am….geezus and it’s Saturday!
Although I agree with the message of that saying, “don’t sweat the small stuff, Nordstrom used to have a huge sign in the employee entrance that said it and I learned to hate it. Some people just shouldn’t be in positions of power or in managerial jobs. Especially since you’re probably more qualified than anyone.
My Dad also has a motto he lives by and it’s “f*ck em”.
Ahhh thanks M. 
You are the best. You always make me feel better.
I think my new motto is taken from your wise pappa yup, I can certainlysay that “F*ck em”.
Love it.
September 22, 2008