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Pandora, Control, Anniversary, Girl in a Cafe

Thursday, August 21st, 2008 | Entertainment

I have fallen in love, I am still in love with R of course, but this is a new kind of love. It’s different.
This is a love with no strings attached, I can dance, drink wine, reminisce, imagine, explore and dream with….Pandora. With Pandora… there is no guilt.

It fits my mood at each second of a song change. It is beautiful, inspiring, creative, wondrous, non-judgemental, moody and feeds me the chocolate cake I so desire when the urge arises, it fits me even on my skinny days where a 5 mile jaunt came with zero sweat just as easily as it met my needs on my fat days when only a mu mu could bring me to a sense of contentment with myself… even if I felt the impetus to have a cigarrette and pabst at my side. I love it and I am in love…

Pandora. You take me to new heights….allowing me to express that being within and emphasize my mood at a moments notice, being a woman that’s your ticket to the promise land and I am in heaven with your embrace.
I truly hope you never go away. All I need to do is type at my fingertips whim what tune, melody, song, charisma I so seek and you bring it alive. Thank you. Which leads me to to the story of another love constricted by the demands of two different lives that evolved from the passon and fame experienced by the one and only Ian Curtis.
So really my love succumbed again to the beauty that was so apparent in the movie Control. Based on Deborah Curtis’s collection of events around her love, Ian Curtis- Lead singer Joy Division. This movie brought me to tears. Ian… he was so young in falling in deep, passionate love with Deborah, even at the time when her immediate intimate interest sprung from Ian’s friend, seeing each other enough there was discovery. They fell for each other. They fell in love. Ian is a compelling character, with such passion, creativity and wanton need to please, to meet the external requirements around him.

Taking his life at 23 with accomplishments equivalent to a 40 year old. There were two parts to Ian, actually two lives. He sought to please those in his lives, but couldn’t meet the demand. There was his commitment to the life he chose at 18 and the life that sprung up around him at 20. The rock star status, the attention the wanton desire he conjured in his audience. I was somewhat seduced by his deep intensity, who couldn’t be it was intoxicating. Here is a very moving article about Ian and Deborah.. it is a must read.

One Ian who was creative and kind and passionate, committed to the one he loved so compellingly, but taken away by the awestruck world in which he was the star. It was so demanding to the point where he had lost “control”. Each piece of a Joy Division song they played throughout was equivalent to the mood and feeling that Ian was feeling, I was simply awestruck.

So, today- Today was a great day. Work is, what it is, I might long for different but overall it’s been great getting close to colleagues and meeting with people and simply doing whatever I can to feel connected and challenged and involved.

2008, it’s anniversary time.

Today, August 21st, marks R’s and I’s 4th year “being married” anniversary. It’s so interesting because time now seems so irrelevent. It’s just time and time will continue and we’ll continue to make our memories and live day to day. It’s significant and wonderful and even just all of the journies we had been through over the year from now. I wouldn’t change anything. I love R, I love our house, our friends…. I love working downtown and really I am blessed.

In Fact:

I met a very cool person today. She’s celebrating her 4th anniversary in Sept. She was married before, which brings me to appreciate how simple my life is. Luckily she said they never had kids in her first marriage and she knew she couldn’t with her previous husband, she knew it wouldn’t work and now, she feels ever so confident with the person she is with now. She’s talking about having kids and I supported her all the way.

Today for me?

As my anniversary gift, Ry surprised the heck outta me with flowers, dark chocolate truffles, garbage already out on the curb and a clean, sparkling kitchen. This is why expectations in marriage should be dumped at the front door. I was floored, cried and surprised, R can simply surprise me with the smallest gesture and I am in heaven. I Got home from walking from the bus stop. Petted Guinness, looked around in awe and thought about how lucky I am.

I opened my bottle of wine, whipped up pasta with mushrooms, garlic, tomatoes and cheese and enjoyed an evening for me on the couch. Eventually I cracked open a delicious dark chocolate truffle… okay maybe it was two of those, planted my big ass on the couch and just relaxed. It was marvelous and R. had this all planned for me even without me knowing it. I am a lucky girl.

So I decided to venture and have a movie adventure.

Tears emerged as I watched “The Girl in the Cafe”

It was….. beautiful and profound.

I LOVE Bill Nighy and Kelly Macdonald. I loved and appreciated the nuances and wierd ticks of Bill’s character and the simplicity yet extreme complexity between him and Kelly’s charachter (Gina) as they learned about each other. So, yes, it is a bit weird to see him and her in a love scene considering he could be her like father, but fundamentally what was beautiful was the simple need for human interest, compassion, love and just plain company between each other.

Eventually the complexities unfold… you journey with the G8 summit to Reykjavick and there are some serious reflections you encounter in this political world where all human interests of a country are at stake. I balled at the thought, there is so much wrong going on and we don’t hear, don’t know, don’t understand… we lose perspective. What we have…. luxurious from those living in corrupt 3rd world countries with governments clearly more concerned for their wealth versus the people’s livability. It’s incredibly moving in its profundity. I am spoiled and I am lucky.

What I could relate to:
The best association Kelly’s character has to Iceland is Bjork, something I completely relate to. I know that Reykjavik is on my list of places to see in my lifetime, for sure. The only thing is that almost everything has to bet shipped in, because, fundamentally not a lot can grow there. It looks beautiful, full of culture, art, music… I mean one part of this movie was the soundtrack and in fact I typed in “Sugir Ros” in Pandora, because they were in the end of the movie and it has been playing some amazing stuff on my Pandora.

Oh , Pandora, how do I love thee. But Ry, you made my real anniversary compelling, moving and surprising. Thank you.

Dinner at Ciao Vito sounds lovely.

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